


Tasslehoff and the Cheese Golem

by darkhedgeknight



Category: DragonLance, Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkhedgeknight/pseuds/darkhedgeknight
Summary: A one shot - this is a flash fiction piece featuring Tasslehoff Burrfoot shortly after his Uncle Trapspringer's wedding. In this story, the kender comes across a most interesting creature.





	Tasslehoff and the Cheese Golem

Underneath the dark blue sky, on a warm evening in the first month of spring, the kender Tasslehoff Burrfoot walked along the dirt trail that led outside of Kendermore, underneath the dark blue sky.  He clutched his hoopak as his scanned the grassy area near a cottage. 

"I wonder if the owner of this place is around here somewhere,” he said as a low grow escapes from his stomach. "I haven't eaten anything since Uncle Trapspringer's wedding. Maybe whoever lives here will generously give me something for supper. Perhaps they were at Uncle Trapspringers’ wedding."

With a wide smile, Tas stepped up the cottage's door and grunted as he struggled to turn it. He sighed, slipped his fingers into his pouch and drew one of his lock picks. 

"Well this is inconvenient,” he said. “If the owner of this house was outside, he or she would end up locking himself out." 

As the lock clicked, he added,” And this isn't even a good lock."

After drawing his pick from the lock and placed it in his pocket, Tas pushed the door opened and walked inside.

Tas noted the cottage’s white walls and the large wooden shelf full of old books was left to the door. Directly across from the bookshelf was a small fireplace that let out a crackle as the flames burned the wood. The windows were decorated with long creamy white curtains. He walked over to a small glass cabinets containing seven small porcelain plates, four of which quickly found their way into his pouch. 

Tas moved toward the kitchen, as two small leather bound books jumped from the shelf, and flew at the him. He swung his hoopak, deflecting both of the books before two more tomes flew at him. 

Tas caught one of the books  in the stomach, while barely dodging the other. 

"That was interesting,” Tas said, sas he picked up the book that hit him. “I wonder what kind of books would be inclined to attack someone.” 

Before Tas could answer his own questions, a gruff voice yelled from the back of the room. "Explain yourself kender, or you’ll be eating more than books.” . 

Tas noticed seeing a broad shouldered dwarf, with a gray beard and common clothes, carrying a battleaxe over his shoulders. 

The kender smiled and extended his hand to the dwarf. "My name is Tasslehoff Burrfoot. I just came from Kendermore, where my Uncle Trapspringer had just gotten married to the kender maiden I was engaged to. I haven't eaten since their wedding, which I think was yesterday. Are you the owner of this house? You have some mischievous books. And why did you look your door if you’re home?"

The dwarf lowered his axe, believing Tas was upset about losing his betrothed to his uncle Trapspringer. "My name is Armand Sweetbread, and I'm really sorry lad. I've known some friends who have had their hearts broken, but don't worry, you'll find someone to marry."

Tas laughed and shook his head. "No, no. See, It all started when I was with my friends back at the Inn of the Last Home, that's all the way back in Solace. Tanis decided that we all separate for five years. I was sharing a drink with Tanis, and Flint, he's a dwarf too by the way, when another dwarf, this one a bounty hunter named Gisella Hornslager came into the inn -"

A loud growl and the shuffling of pots and pans echoed from below the floor, interrupting Tas before he could finish his story. Armand, who was somewhat grateful for the noise, brought his battle axe forward in a fast motion, almost slicing off a piece of the kender's ear.

"You should be careful with that," Tas scolded, already annoyed his story was interupted by the noise. He was about explain how a reckless swing could end up cutting some innocent bystander's head off, when Armand’s face formed a frightened expression as he whispered. "It's loose.”

"What's loose?" Tas asked curiously, as the noises from below the floor grew louder. The dwarf stared at Tas.

"My wife Seralyn is a woman who dabbles in magic," Armand began in a quiet voice "One night she decided that she would make dinner. Usually I'll cook up a steamy pot of potatoes, or a rich juicy pair of steaks, but that night, she had insisted she bake something."

Ignoring the kender’s growing stomach, Armand continued,” She was making a sweet rich, pastry of some kind. It smelled wonderful too. All seemed to be going well, until she accidentally knocked a vial of potion into the dough. After she put int othe over for about an hour, what came out was -"

The dwarf's words were finished when floor boards shattered into several small pieces. Emerging from the basement was a large creature resembling a mixture bread dough covered with melted cheese. The creature’s mouth dripped with tomato sauce as its sausage patties, which Tas guessed were its eyes, turned toward the dwarf and kender. 

Tas stared at the creature in astonishment and said," Your wife made that?"

Armand nodded his head and replied," Yes, our Cheese Golem. We tried to keep it locked in the basement while she went to find a magic user.” 

Before Tas could turn to Armand and ask how one would go about killing a Cheese Golem, the creature spat a thin line of tomato sauce at the kender, hitting him in the chess. 

As he felt the sauce bubbling on his chest, Tas brushed up some of it with his fingers and tasted it. He shivered as the sauce burned his tongue, but the pain was replaced with a sweet sensation. “Not too bad,” he thought. 

Armand ran forward, swinging his axe at the Cheese Golem’s midsection. The dwarf cursed as his weapon was stuck in the golem’s thick, doughy body. A large mass of dough shaped into a fist, slammed hard into the dwarf, staggering him for a moment, releasing the handle of his axe. A thick line of sauce flew from the Golem's mouth, spraying in Armand’s face, 

As he tried to wipe the sauce from his eyes, Armand stumbled back and fell backwards

Tas moved past the dwarf and swing his hoopak at the creature. Like the dwarf’s axe, Tas’ hoopak became stuck in the creature’s midsection. He groaned as the Cheese Golem stretched out a long, thick tendril wrapped around his face Tas tried to yell for help, but his mouth was full of warm, melted cheese and dough over thick tomato sauce. 

The kender's stomach let out another growl, causing Tas to chew on the golem’s tendril.  

The Cheese Golem let out a groan as Tas finished the tendril, and began eating the cheese creature's shoulder.

Wiping the sauce from his face, Armand watched the kender eating the Cheese Golem's body. 

The Cheese Golem attempted to pry the kender off with a large misshapen arm, but Tasslehoff Burrfoot’s appetite was stronger as he ate the arm until it was no more.

With the creature finished, Tas laid down on the floor and let out a burp. "That was delicious."

"Armand dear, what was that?" asked a voice from the doorway. Tas glanced forward, seeing the clean shaved red-gray haired dwarf woman wearing beautiful white robes with runes stitched down the sides. Her eyes widened when she noticed the broken floor boards and kender lying on the floor. 

Grabbing his axe, Armand turned to his wife. "Nothing Seralyn just a little trouble with the creature, but it's over now. I was just about to start dinner."

"I see," Seralyn said, seeing the sauce on her husband's face. Her green eyes to the kender laying on the floor, his face covered with small patches of cheese and sauce. "And who are you, young kender?"

Tasslehoff rose to his feet raised his head and smiled at Seralyn. "My name is Tasslehoff Burrfoot. I came from my Uncle Trapspringer's wedding." Normally, he would explained more, but instead came a loud burp. He quickly laid down his head. “I am sorry about your floor. I can help you fix it.”

“It is quite alright Tasslehoff, we can fix it tomorrow,” Seralyn said as she moved around the hole and kissed her husband on the cheek. "Well I won't hold you any longer dear," she said in a loving voice. She glanced at the kender and asked," Will you be joining us for dinner Tasslehoff?"

Tas let out a hiccup and shook his head. "No thank you, I'm stuffed."


End file.
